one of the toughest things ive learned over the last year and a half of training is checking myself. if you know me, i mean REALLY know me, you already know im a cynical, negative, shit talking mofo who doesnt really like or trust most people. maybe its elements and circumstances that happened as a kid, beyond my control, but excuses are just that, it doesnt even matter anyways .. i am who i am. truth be told, i LIKE to be that way . i dont hold back , i dont care what you think about me, and i dont care if you like me... at ....all.
then, my fat ass hops into the dojo, and im surrounded by people .. and immediately, theres clashes of egos and personalities.
i'm loud.
i'm obnoxious.
i'm borderline tri-polar.
i suck at receiving critcism.

my kids go there, and ... i want the best for them , so of course its imperative that i ... "march to the drum."
and i understand why, and dont disagree with the importance of it....
but i work out in there, and no matter how hard i try, i continue to fall back on my first impressions, and i never forget them. ive said it before, and it will always be this way,, i DONT like you before i LIKE you..... sorry , not really.
i never insult anyone (to their face), and i look at my experience in there as a mental challenge as well as a physical one.

but, the reality is. only maybe 2 or 3 people of 50 or so even have a clue as to what im about.
i dont go in there to make friends, shit, im better at LOSING friends than making them anyways, and again....i'm cool.

but the fact is this, if i am ever disrespected in any way... i dont forget.
im grudgy as fuck, and i will quietly make you nervous around me....
and smile on the inside.

have a great day!